I'm back...and a little heavier

my deepest and heartfelt apologies for the large gap from now to my last post in mid August. Time is flying by. Anyway, we took a trip to the doc's office today for a quick checkup...I unfortunately have to go back in just a couple weeks for my 4 month vaccines and other voodoo magic that happens over there.

I'm tipping the scales...3.5 months into my what's surely going to be a fantastic childhood, I weigh in at 16lbs...a whole 2lbs in just the past few weeks.

More updates to come...

P.S. I still love you Letterman.

let me give a little stretch...and a bend.

2 months down...

14lbs on the dot
24 1/4"

also got hooked up with a polio vaccine, tetanus among others...also thought I'd go with the rabies vaccine too. You never know.

Did anyone ever tell ya you have a frog on your ass...

So, yesterday I mentioned I was still growing.

Here's the latest round of pics. Enjoy!

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/detail.sfly?sid=8FbN3DVs2Yvs&imageIndex=24&fid=0dca04c3c4148715

and stop looking at my ass!

"He was from my village...he was the village idiot!" "Yeah, what'd you do, place?"

My apologies for the sporadic posts.

I'm growing. Does that do anything for ya?

"I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves. "

That's just one of the memorable quotes from Love & Death. Brilliant movie. Dare I say one of the best comedies of all time. Watch it and decide for yourself. We'll talk about it next week.

six weeks later...

Then.
7 lbs 9 ounces
20" long




and now...
10lbs 14 ounces
23" long

Doc says I'm going to be 6'8"

Me and sasquatch

...with Leonard Nimoy kickin' up the jams!

Everyone has a little Don Draper in them...

That's me in the blue suit...kickin it with Draper.



http://www.amctv.com/originals/madmen/madmenyourself/

Is that a zucchini in your pocket...

Pulled this out of the garden today...

Big hitter, the Lama...long!

Got another clean bill of health at the doc yesterday.

8 lbs 14 oz
pushing 23" LONG

Can't get enough of the boob...keep it coming!

Up to the minute action

Hey, check me out on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/JACK_GARDNER

I figure Twitter is the perfect outlet for my musings…seeing that those who Twitter are uninteresting people randomly bragging about their unexceptional lives.

Add one more to that list.

Ever wonder what happens on maternity leave...

Hey hockey puck

In honor of the passing of master impressionist Fred Travalena, I thought I'd share some impressions of my own.

Don Rickles

Jack Benny

I'm still working on my Judy Tenuta.

Week 1 adventures

Enjoy some more photos documentating the past week.

As you can see, my life is a non-stop adventure.

"No Jean, no money!"

Harve Presnell is gone!



Here's a refresher:
Actor Harve Presnell dies at age 75
Harve Presnell, an actor whose name might not be instantly recognizable - but who starred in Broadway musicals including The Unsinkable Molly Brown and Annie, the 1996 movie Fargo and TV show Dawson's Creek - died Tuesday at age 75. Presnell's agent, Gregg Klein, says the actor died of pancreatic cancer at St. John's Health Center.


That makes three celebrity deaths this week.

I'll get back to blogging about me as soon as famous people stop dying.


Until then, Goooophhhhherrrs!

Lazy Thursday

more puggle action!



Some observations from my first week at home:

1) Why does the world need a 4th hour of Today?

2) What happened to A&E Daybreaks? Remember the days when one could tune into 2 hours of Magnum P.I. followed by 2 hours of Northern Exposure and then a full afternoon of Golden Girls.

3) They say famous people die in threes -- MJ, Farrah and Ed McMahon died last week. So far this week the legendary Fred Travalena and Karl Malden ate dirt. Who's next? Based on the coverage, you'd think Michael died twice, so for now, let's slide him into that third spot behind Mr. Malden.

4) It's good to know Joe Jackson just started a new record label. classy guy!

5) When will they make a 5th Vacation movie?

Hard knock life

For those of you hungry for more photos, I thought I'd post some action shots.

It's an exciting life I lead.

btw -- I was born a week ago today. To mark the occasion, I got a check-up...clean bill of health...gained a few ounces...and was commended on my expert latching.

Let the games begin!

The puggle seemed a little intimidated by my presence at first. She kept her distance, coming in for a quick sniff here and there, but over the past couple of days, she's taken a liking.

Gone, but not forgotten

The world lost a great man today...

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/lieberman/detail?entry_id=42670&tsp=1

Thank you for the joy you've spread my friend.

JackG

Hello World!

Hey strangers...

Well, after several hours of putting my mom through shear, unadulterated hell, I finally decided to head for the light at 7:06pm on Wed. June 24th. I thought I'd put up a little fight. Afterall, life in the womb wasn't bad...all the food I wanted, I could sleep in every day and, oh, I had central air.

But now this healthy boy is out and ready to hit the town, so I thought I would officially welcome myself to this crazy world. My name is John Carroll Gardner, but people call me Jack. I'm named after my grandfathers -- John "Jack" Gardner and Carroll Siefert -- both of whom are men among men.

According to reports, I weigh in at 7.9lbs and measure approx. 20 inches. Not too shabby! I'm in peak physical condition and have light brown hair, which came as a surpise to my parents seeing that they are on the darker side. My dad is pretty sure he's the father, though.

Yesterday was my first full day of life on the outside. It was hectic...saw me some boob, met the grandparents and some aunts and uncles, also a few family friends....seem like good people. Looking forward to meeting the rest of the clan over the next few days.

It's Friday now, and I can't wait to head home and check out my new digs in Bay View and meet my puggle. So until then, I wish everyone well, thanks for checking out my blog, and check back often for more quips about my life. In the meantime, enjoy a photo from my youth. Those were the days.

See you soon.


P.S. I want to send my thoughts and prayers to the families of Farrah and Michael. Both were a little nuts, but they'll be missed. I especially liked Michael's early stuff, but after "Bad"...I tuned out. And Farrah should have walked away with Oscar for her riviting performance in Cannonball Run. The on-screen chemistry between her and Burt has gone unmatched. I miss you too Dom Delouise.

Ground Control to Major Tom...

...commencing countdown, engines on."

Based on the angle of the sun, I'm guessing it's around the 18th of June, which means that, hopefully, I'll be bustin' out of here soon. Not much to report. Life has been pretty boring in here as of late. Just give me that "go" sign. I just hope I don't look like this broad!



Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Jonathan Winters' fan, but that doesn't mean I want to share the same features.


By the way, caught the movie Gran Torino the other night. Good movie. Although, I'll take "Every Which Way But Loose" and the just-as-thrilling "Any Which Way But Loose" over that anyday. The Academy should have come calling for Clyde. Tragic. Either way, there's nothing like Eastwood beating up punks. The sound was a little muffled from my vantage point, but that may have just been Clint's normal speaking voice. I'd give you few quotes, but I might lose a few readers in the process.

Anyway, I'll see you soon.

The Shape of Things to Come

"Ah, that's a terrific wing. I love that shape..."- Irwin M. Fletcher


Welcome to my world!

My name is Jack. I am a baby. And this is my blog. It's Monday, May 11 and I haven't actually been born yet...but I thought I'd introduce myself anyway since I will have been by the time you are reading this.

I don't have very much on my mind at this point, so I thought I'd share with you the first known image of me...all four ounces. As you can probably tell, it was a little cramped in there, which made it a little tricky to practice my muay thai. Though check out the curvature of my spine...and my head appears to be of normal size, no thanks to my dad. Must be the mom genes.

To tell you the truth, I'm a little embarrased that this photo got out to the media. Isn't nothing sacred. But oh well. I better get used to the spotlight. I've got big plans, see. Or as my good friend Mickey Rooney will tell ya: "I was the biggest star in the world...you hear me...the WORLD!"

Anyway, thanks for checking me out. I'm planning to make as many posts as I can as I discover the strange, new world that awaits my arrival.

See you in a few weeks.

JackG